Thursday, March 4, 2021

Fine, Fresh, Fierce

Guess what? It's that time again! And this time we're going to Dawn's favorite place in the whole entire world: CALIFORNIA!!! First, let's chat about the cover:

This is one of the few Super Special covers where I can tell Dawn and Stacey apart, hurrah! Stacey is obviously the one wearing the VERY skimpy bikini (and the only one to wear a bikini...for some reason I thought Dawn often wore bikinis? Am I making that up in my head?) Do you think Stacey's mom knows she even owns that? I would never wear a bikini like that, without straps. I would be so terrified it would fall down. Stacey does take surfing lessons while she's on the West Coast and I have to wonder if she wore that bathing suit because no way that top stays on! Hopefully she brought a couple of other options. Dawn looks like a bumblebee in her bathing suit. Mallory looks like she belongs on Bay Watch. Also, Mal looks SUPER tall, like she's six feet or something. No way she is eleven in that drawing! I like Claudia and Jessi's bathing suits the most. It looks like they came from the same collection; they are very cohesive with their black, white, and green color scheme (plus yellow on Jessis' suit). I feel kind of bad for Mary Anne. Not just because she has to wear that boring white cover-up and has to slather SPF 80 all over herself, but it looks like she's not having that much fun. Kristy and Dawn are playing with a beach ball (btw, notice the extra back up ball next to Kristy?) and Jessi, Mal, Stacey, and Claud all seem to be laughing about something. (Maybe something in the magazine Mal is reading?) Also, I love that Stacey is sitting in a chair facing AWAY from the water. Most people would want to FACE the ocean, but I understand they did it for the purpose of the cover.

On to my review! The girls have a two weeks vacation (I NEVER got two week vacations when I was in middle school - just sayin'!) and decide to go to California after winning the lottery. You see, apparently, Claudia has been having her parents buy lottery tickets for her (I'm shocked that they would do this, the Kishis being the same parents who would have a shit fit if they found the junk food and Nancy Drew books in their daughter's room) and when the lottery gets up to twenty-three million dollars, she convinces the other members of the BSC to buy tickets and if one of them wins, they'll split the money and will never have to baby-sit again! (Just kidding! They don't actually say that! You know our girls will never give up baby-sitting!) Dawn makes a comment that she didn't know that there was that much money in the world. Really, Dawn? Sure, 23 mil is a lot of money for a mere mortal like her and me (and probably you, dear reader), but damn, even I knew at the age of 13, there was a hell of a lot more than 23 million in the ENTIRE WORLD! Really, Dawn, I thought Claudia was supposed to be the dumb one.

Dawn ALMOST wins, but is off one number. She does get $10,000 which isn't anything to sneeze at. She still splits the money with her friends which is quite generous. If that had been me, I would have been like, "Hey, we only agreed to split if we won the BIG money. I'm keeping my ten grand, bitches!" So they all decide to go to California and stay at Dawn's dad's house for two weeks. 

We get a chapter dedicated to their plane ride and it's like, WHY? Why do we need to hear about what happened on the plane? NOTHING happened. It should have been, "We got on the plane and five hours later we were in California." That's all you need. Well, there were two things of note that happened on the plane ride: 1) the in-flight movie was Vertigo (seems a bit old to be playing on a plane ride in 1990) and Mallory has no idea who Alfred Hitchcock is. Girl, REALLY? (But to be fair, Claudia won't have any idea who the Grateful Dead are in a later chapter). The other interesting thing is that the girls have to choose between spaghetti and chicken. All the girls choose spaghetti except for Stacey and Dawn. Uh, isn't Dawn a vegetarian? Why is she eating chicken? Of course, I do remember them stating in the earlier books that she just didn't eat red meat. 

Let's discuss each of the girls:

Stacey has caught the surfing bug (Dawn's words) and spends a good amount of her vacation on the beach. I've never been surfing but it does look like a lot of fun, though I'm sure I would suck. You'd think her storyline would be her having a near drowning experience or something scary involving surfing. She does get scolded a couple times when she rides a wave she's not ready for, but her storyline involves around the people she's met that she goes surfing with. They're all sixteen or seventeen and live in Dawn's neighborhood and apparently Dawn is friends with them. Who knew Dawn hung out with the older kids when she was in Cali? One of them drives a convertible and drives like Cameron Diaz in My Best Friend's Wedding, completely erratic and pays no attention to anyone around them. On the way home from surfing, they end up in a four car collision and the guy tells the others not to rat him out, but Stacey does. She's taken to the hospital, but is fine, despite being a bit shaken up.

I think (correct me if I'm wrong) this is the first book where we meet Mr. Schafer's girlfriend, Carol. I believe she has been mentioned before, but this is the first book where she makes an appearance. And, boy, does Dawn not like her. I'm honestly not sure why. Carol seems pretty cool. She's also super nice, driving the girls anywhere (within reason) with the van she's borrowed from a van. (Mr. Schafer is working the first week the girls are there...I'm sure he's more than happy that he doesn't have to be home with eight kids in his house!) She usually drives something "small and red" that Dawn deems too young for her. Dawn bitches A LOT about how Carol is too old for certain things and tries to act like she's their friend. My mind was blown when Dawn is complaining about how Carol, a 32-year-old woman, is too old to say "you guys." Uh, excuse me, Dawn? What the fuck are you talking about? I am older than Carol and I still say "you guys" and I am pretty sure I have said "you guys" all my life. How is there an age limit of saying "you guys." How would anybody ever get to quote The Goonies: "Hey, you guuuuysssss!"  

In this book, we get many instances of the girls using their stupid slang they have created. You know, words such as "distant", "fresh", and the incredibly stupid "dibble" for something that is cool and "stale" for something that is not cool. Now, if Carol had started using those words, then yes, I could see Dawn's argument. She is much too old to be using those words as synonyms for "cool" and she never would because no grown ass adult would ever use those stupid words. 

We are told that Carol is a "painter" and I was wondering if that meant she painted houses or murals or portraits. She then says her hours are flexible and at the beach she's sketching something, so she must be some kind of artist. We're really not given much information about her career and I wonder if more information is brought up in any of the other books. I'm surprised that Claudia didn't bond with her over their artistic abilities. 

When Stacey is in her accident, she calls the Schafer residence and Dawn and Carol are the only ones home so they're the ones who pick her up at the hospital. Dawn is livid when Carol tells Stacey that she's going to have to tell Mr. Schafer about it. Well, what the fuck do you want, Dawn? You bitch that Carol is trying too hard to be like one of you, then when she does do the responsible thing, you bitch some more. Dawn does eventually see that Carol did the right thing and comes around to her. She writes her an apology letter and they're all good...for now. 

The BSC gets to meet the We Love Kids Club and Kristy is a bit judgmental how their club runs. I can't really blame her; it does seem a bit all over the place. They don't really have a set time or place; their clients call any of them anytime they want and they just sort of take whatever job. It's very "California casual". Kristy wants to show what a great baby-sitter she is when she decides to baby-sit  for Erick and Ryan Dewitt, two boys who are desribed as "terrors". I'd probably describe them as just normal little boys, but whatever. When the WLKC girls try to give Kristy some tips, she doesn't listen to them, knowing that she is an awesome sitter and she'll be able to do things her way.

It turns out the day she's supposed to baby-sit the boys, Mr. Schafer is taking all the girls, plus Jeff to Universal Studios, so Kristy calls the DeWitt parents and asks them if she can bring the boys along and apparently they say yes. I wonder if they understood that there would only be one adult (Mr. Schafer) with eleven kids (our girls, Jeff, plus three kids they end up inviting). I sure as hell wouldn't let my kids go to a huge amusement park like Universal Studios with only one adult in charge of eleven kids. That seems like a recipe for disaster. We meet Erick and Ryan and they're very excitable little boys. When Kristy is waiting for them to use the bathroom before they're about to board a ride, she has to send Jeff in the bathroom because they're taking forever and he finds them throwing paper towels and spraying each other with water. They get a little rambunctious on the ride and Kristy has her hands full reigning them in. She learns her lesson and realizes that the WLKC girls had been right and she should have listened to their advice and that she's not the only person in the world who's a baby-sitting expert.

During their stay, Dawn invites the WLKC girls for a sleepover and Kristy narrates that all NINE of them were going to sleep in the rec room. Um, shouldn't there be ten of them? Our seven girls plus the three We Love Kids Club girls. Unless Dawn is sleeping in her bedroom? But why would she? I should also point out that during their stay, that ALL the girls are sleeping in Dawn's bedroom on the floor in sleeping bags. (Obviously Dawn is in her bed). She must have a huge room! 

During the sleepover, the girls raid the fridge and they must have some lousy food because Kristy seems pretty happy when she gets to make herself a peanut butter and honey sandwich as she was worried she might get stuck with eggplant and celery pizza. Look, I'm not dissing peanut butter and honey sandwiches, but that's the kind of thing I would make for myself if there was absolutely no food in my kitchen. I usually have honey and peanut butter on hand, and if I had bread, I would make myself that kind of sandwich if I were starving because there was nothing else to eat.  It's not good sleepover food. No. You need pizza or nachos or cookies or chips and dip...something substantial like that. Seriously, Dawn, you couldn't go shopping for food ALL of your guests would like? Shame, shame.

Kristy isn't the only one who spends her vacation baby-sitting; Mary Anne also sits for a little girl named Stephie who is basically a Mini-Me version of Mary Anne: her mom died when she was a baby, her dad is a overly protective of her, she has a room that is decorated a little too young for her, yada, yada, yada. Stephie has asthma and this freaks out Mary Anne. Stephie is one of the kids who go to Universal Studios with them and Mary Anne is sure that from all the excitement Stephie is going to have an attack, but she doesn't. Stephie's morning baby-sitter tells Mary Anne that Stephie's asthma attacks are usually brought on by emotional feelings. This will prove to be true when Stephie has an attack the last day Mary Anne baby-sits her and the day before she's supposed to go back to Connecticut. Stephie is highly upset about this. I have to scratch my head over this. WHY is this little girl so attacked to her baby-sitter who she's only been baby-sat by three times? I know, I know, they share that bond, but still... 

Jessi pretty much has the same storyline that she did in Jessi and the Superbrat. Remember, in that one she baby-sits for child star Derek Masters and he convinces her to move to L.A. and get an agent and become a TV star and she seriously considers it, but then decides she doesn't want to move away from her family and wants to pursue her ballet dream. In this book, Derek has invited her to watch him work at the studio and she ends up getting to be an extra on the show. Derek says she should try to look for an agent while she's out in L.A. and she gets excited by the prospect, but in the end, decides that ballet is what she wants to pursue. I do love that that back of the book says "Jessi lands a (tiny) part in a TV show." Uh, no, that would imply that she actually had a line of dialogue. She was a freaking extra. She was probably just walking around in the background during a scene. Probably no one even noticed her except her family and friends! 

Mallory is such a fucking idiot. I'm sorry, but it's true. She ends up blowing all her money on make up and hair dye. All she has left is $6.28 I have to wonder how much she had to begin with. All the girls got about $1400 from their lottery winnings. I looked up how much a plane ticket cost in 1990 and I got $288, so let's round that up to $300. That leaves her with $1100! And this is even before they go to any attractions (they don't really go anywhere besides the beach and the mall until the second week). I have a hard time believing she spent that much money on make up and hair dye. Most likely, she had a couple hundred dollars for spending money. Make up can add up, so I can definitely see that. 

Why is Mal blowing all her money on products she won't even be able to use when she returns home because her parents won't let her make up? Because she wants to be a true "California Girl." (Don't you have to be born in Cali for that to happen?) She moans that all the girls on the beach are blonde (which isn't true) and she wants to be noticed so she gets all that make up. She ends up getting wash out dye so she'll be able to return home a redhead. (But they end up having to buy RED hair dye because they don't think she'll be able to remove the blonde by the time they return). 

Because Mal has blown all her money, Jessi has to pay her way into Universal Studios and she is pissed, which I don't blame her. Also, because of her lack of money, Mal can't join her friends to go to a screening of Mary Poppins (don't think she's missing anything...this may be a hot take, but I find that movie to be overly long and boring, though I will admit it does have some good songs) and she also doesn't go with them to Knot's Berry Farm. Now that place looks pretty cool, so she was a dumbass for spending all of money on such frivolous things. 

Finally Kristy gives her the buck up speech and this is when Mal buys the red hair dye, sells her make up to Claudia and Stacey who were nice enough to buy it from her and she forks over the money to Jessi. 

This is the fourth Super Special where Claudia has a crush on a boy. Remember, we have that creep-o who was stalking her in the first one (can't even remember his name); Will from Camp Mohawk (probably my favorite and the best suited for her from all her SS romances) Guy the married ski instructor with two kids who was much too old for her from Winter Vacation, and now we meet Terry in this one. Much like Will, Terry is her age and is Asian-American. The only difference is that Terry is more like Janine. He's reading a thick tome at the beach and likes to talk about "current events" such as the situation in the Soviet Union and the Berlin Wall. 

Terry takes Claudia to an Italian movie and she's not fast enough to read the subtitles. Poor Claudia. He also takes her to a fancy French restaurant where he's wearing a suit and Claudia is wearing a Laura Ashley she borrowed from Dawn. The image of two thirteen-year-olds getting dressed up to have a date at a French restaurant is just weird and amusing to me. Claudia even states that they're the youngest there by thirty years. No kidding. The waiter speaks to them in French and the menu is in French, so of course Claudia is freaking out. Now I go to a French restaurant every year for my birthday and while the menu is in French, it also explains what the dish is in English. Also, the wait staff speaks in English. Terry, who is apparently fluent in French, remarks that the chicken (le poulet!) special sounds good and orders it. Why didn't Claudia just order that as well? She ends up ordering les escargots, but points to it on the menu instead of sounding like a dumb-dumb and trying to pronounce it "es-car-gots". Of course, she ends up getting snails because she has no idea what she's ordering. She tells us, "Let me tell you, swallowing those snails was not easy. I felt like I was swallowing garlic-coated rubber." I'm sorry, but if it felt like you were swallowing "garlic-coasted rubber", then they did not cook their escargot right. I've had escargots a couple times at that French restaurant I usually go to on my birthday and they were absolutely delicious. They were in some kind of sauce (with garlic) and they did not taste rubbery at all. Maybe somebody needs to inspect that restaurant or hire a new chef or something.

Claudia calls Janine to ask for some advice on how to sound smart and Janine tells her just to be herself and invite Terry to Hollywood with them to look at stars' homes and visit Grauman's Chinese Theater. Terry is a huge movie buff and has a lot of fun. Claudia also finally tells him about the BSC and being an artist and Mimi, things that she actually has a passion for and Terry seems genuinely interested. 

I guess it's cute that they finally end up on the same page, but what is the point of having a romance with somebody who lives on the opposite side of the country? Seems like AMM couldn't think of a better storyline for her. I had to cringe when we see the letter Claudia writes to Terry in the last chapter of the book and it is just riddled with spelling errors. You'd think she'd have her sister or one of her friends go over it. She spells "really" with only one "l". Really, Claudia, you can't spell REALLY? She also spells "Right now" as "write now" and "like" as "lick"...Good Lord... If I got a letter from a boy that was filled with spelling errors I'm sorry, but that would be a deal breaker. 

In a postcard to her parents she writes, "We've have already been to the beach." In another letter to her sister, she writes "Im am fine." Oh, God, I have no words. Sometimes I think they make Claudia a little too stupid.

There is foreshadowing for the next Super Special because Dawn says if they win the lottery again, they could go to New York and stay with Stacey's Dad. Start spreading the news! 

No comments:

Post a Comment